1. Money cannot buy happiness but...somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than in a Yugo.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the #%%&@#'s name.
3. Help a man when he is in trouble & he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.

#4 has my vote as the truest statement I have heard in a long time.