So the other day, we had an assigement in school. An essay on 4 pages. Subject?
Writing about someone that has changed your life.
I chose RDJ (seriously who wouldn't?)and I would like you all to know why. Cause he saved my life.
This is not some sob story that I made up, it's the real deal, and I can't really find any other who would understand this better than you guys. Since we're all here on this awesome page, loving the same awesome actor, I hope you will understand better than anyone.
So, let's begin.
I've always been a trouble maker, doing drugs since I was probably around 12, fighting with the other girls in school.
Somehow I always been a talented student, always getting straight A's even when I been high as **** on some of the tests.
I think that I really always have been this messed up. Weird as a kid, I could be drawing for days without saying anything or playing the piano for 10 hours without any rest.
At the age of 6 I started acting, and it was when I was acting, that I felt like a real kid.
I still do acting, alot. I love it, and I can't live without it.
One more thing that made me feel less ****ed up, was watching RDJ's movies. My favorite is Chaplin, beacuse of that simple reason that I have grown up to that movie.
I almost knew every line by heart.
I used to watch after every time my mum beat me up, it became kind of a soothing act, and it made me feel less alone and and I little bit loved.
Sorry for beeing such a Harry (bad narrator, like in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) I promise I will get somewhere with all this crap.
As I said my mum used to beat the **** out of me from time to time, she even got reported to the police for child abuse.
She didn't care, and nothing really happened. She didn't stop anyway.
Don't really know why she did it, never got any explanation. But, on the other hand, is there ever?
After a while I got sick of the bruises and moved to live with my dad.
Living with him was hard (the man has an IQ of 148 and took drugs when he was young, combine that and you get a schizophrenic man, on the edge of a mental breakdown)and every day was a challenge to keep him calm and tell him that the neighbours didn't try to kill us.
Maybe you begin to understand why I did drugs so early in my life, maybe you don't.
The thing is that I was to afraid to face all of this, afraid of how bad I would feel.
I stoped doing drugs for a while, but being without them made me unfunctional.
I couldn't draw, couldn't play the piano, and I didn't feel like myself.
Now, we're getting to the end of this.
So, I used to have a lot of friends, but as time progressed, I lost them thanks to all the drugs.
My best friend, she tried so hard and so long to staywith me, but eventually, she couldn't handle it anymore. I don't blame her.
The only thing I had left was the theater, the acting classes.
The drug use got worse, I was always high, might been sober for a couple of hours like two times a month.
I couldn't continue going to the drama classes, my teacher wouldn't let me.
The drug use increased as I tried to forget everything, tried to push down all the bad feelings and memories.
One night, I couldn't sleep.
I started to think about my life.
I felt so... Empty. Like the drugs were everything I had.
And without them, I was nothing. Like they were apart of me. Stop taking them would make me less talented, less everything. But if I continued with it, I would be alone forever. I mean, who can have the strength to put up with someone who always gonna chose the drugs over them?
And I sat there in the dark. And I didn't see any other way out of it. So I thought; "**** it, the world would be better of without me."
And I started to prepere to commit suicide.
My dealer used to give me Xanax (being one of teh drugs that I used) and I knew that if I O.D. on them, I wouldn't feel a thing just... fall asleep and never wake up again.
The decision felt nice. It felt good. And I finally felt some peace in my body.
So I sat there, in the dark, with 20 pills in my hand, ready to do it. It felt like I was holding relief in my hand. It felt so good that everything would be over in an hour.
Somehow, I started to think about RDJ. And then Chaplin. So I turned it on, and when it was over I watched it again.
When I watched it for the fifth time, I cried.
I flushed the pills down, called the suicied hotline, and was commited to psychiatric care for 3 weeks. After 6 month of rehab, I'm finally clean.
I moved away from my mum, and live by myself. I started acting again, I go in a acting school aswell and I've been in some small movies already.
If it hadn't been for RDJ I woudn't be alive today, and I probably wouldn't have been putting up with everything for so long.
I hate it that he probably never will know what he did for me, that he really saved me that night, and my entire life. That he was the one for me when my mum beat me up.
It's unfair. So ******* unfair, that he might never know it.
Well, thank you guys for reading. Hope I'll meet you somewhere, some day. LOVE <3